So Completely Good

Jan 26, 2012 by tai

This prayer was from my time with the Lord out in the woods a couple of days ago.  I fear it is lacking something which was lost in translation from my lips and heart to paper…but hopefully it still gives you a beatiful thing to ponder….

Ezekiel 1:28b-2:2, “Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of one speaking.  And he said to me, ‘Son of man, stand on your feet, and I will speak with you.’ And as he spoke to me, the Spirit entered into me and set me on my feet, and I heard him speaking to me.”

O Lord…I am undone.  Ezekiel was compelled to fall on his face before the purity and beauty of Your glory time and time again, and yet, time and time again, Your Spirit lifted Him up and set him on his feet again.  When I see my own sinfulness in light of Your resplendent holiness, I, like Ezekiel, am compelled to fall to my knees.  I feel as if I should just give up trying to move or stand or do anything, because how could I do anything worthwhile for One so pure?

Yet, you do not look at my filthiness.

You do not look at the fact that I forget your laws daily – and in fact often purposefully rebel against them.

You do not see my utter inability to do anything to change myself or anyone else.

You know my frame.  You know I am but dust.  You understand.  And you love me.  You love me.  With such an incomprehensible love.  You pick me up out of the dust, and You fill me with Your Spirit, setting me on my feet…and You send me forth to do Your work – in Your strength.  And yet, it still stands that You don’t have to use me…but You do, overlooking my weakness, and seeing only what Your power can accomplish through this (weak) vessel.  You love me.  You love me.  It is hard enough for me to even understand how another human could love me – even my own husband – and then….You love me.  You, who are sinless, and without fault or vice.

And not only this; as if it were not enough to have such a One love me…but You promise such sweet blessings for those whose hearts are Yours, that it baffles my human understanding.  Would you pour out the fullness of Your bounty on one such as I?  And what have I done to deserve it??  Not a thing.  There is not one thing that recommends me for such abundance and blessing.  And You Yourself are under no bond or compulsion to do so.  There are no rules or statutes that tell You that You must.  So why do You “daily load me with benefits”?  Why does “my cup runneth over”?  Why have I received of Your fullness?

Why?

It is because You are good.  And you are merciful.  You have wiped away my failings.  You no longer see my complete depravity, because You have covered over my nakedness with Your robes of righteousness, and You are daily, bit by miniscule bit, changing me from deadness into a new creature.  You are replacing my heart with Yours.  It’s a slow process…but I can see it.  And I rejoice!  Because You have loved me, and take such tender care of me – not because of anything of myself, but because You are just completely good through and through.

There is no hint of revenge in Your heart.  There is no pride in You to be damaged and then avenged.  There is not even a recollection of former sins.  They are no more.  It is like…I am actually as a new creature, just like You have said…

You don’t see the old me – the one I’m still frequently embarrassed by. You only see the good that You Yourself have wrought.  When You look back on my past, You don’t see my mistakes.  In fact…if what You have said is true, then, despite my own memories of them as they come back to tell me that I’m not worthy of Your love (to which I can say, “I know!”), they never happened.  And You treat me as though I had done something right…though I have in fact done nothing but cling to You…for that is all I could do.

Praise be to You, most gracious and merciful Father!

You are so completely good.

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